Time to Let Go?
Every so often in our lives, we run into people who, for whatever reason, just seem to leave you exhausted. You know, the person that you dread hearing from because their favourite subject, their only subject is “ME”, the kind of person in your life who, every time you meet them, just leaves you feeling drained.
Welcome to the world of the emotional vampire. There are all kinds of variations on the theme. There’s the “I’m depressed (and you have to take care of me)”. There’s the “I’m a substance user (and so you have to take care of me)”. There are all sorts of variations on the theme, but ultimately, their conversation boils down to “ME ME ME ME ME ME”.
Sometimes, clients bring questions about how to bring to a close relationships that are, shall we say, past their best, where one or other, and sometimes both, parties have moved on.
That’s great where that’s understood on both sides, however the problem begins where that isn’t understood by both parties; indeed, sometimes not even acknowledged by one side of the relationship. At its worst, this can turn into a relationship where one side of the relationship just digs their heels in; they turn into an “energy vampire”. Often unconsciously, they fall into the pattern of expecting you to provide them with a constant, one-sided source of support. You cease to exist; it’s all about, and only about them and their needs.
The question is, why do we let them do it? The answer is often two-fold. Sometimes, it happens simply because over time, we grow apart from people with whom we had a genuinely, mutually supportive friendship. Sometimes however, it happens because we have an emotional attachment to the relationship that goes beyond the interaction itself. For example, we may feel that we are “responsible” for the other person. Sometimes, especially where the friendship is longstanding, it may be as simple as the fear that if we lose that friendship, we may never replace them. There are as many reasons as there are friendships that have “gone past their best by date”.
It’s so easy to blame these people for what they do and the effect they have on us. Even so, whatever the reason, the clear message so frequently offered by guides in Spirit is that “you cannot have room for a future if you are still holding onto a past that no longer serves you”.
So often, messages given in sittings is that you need to take care of yourself, while respecting the feelings and needs of others. Messages from Spirit are so often a call to be honest and clear with ourselves about our needs, our motives, the need to take both care of ourselves and to take responsibility for our own actions.
Whatever anyone else is saying, however they are acting, whatever they say doing, we can always change the relationship; we can take responsibility and decide to change, maybe even end, relationships in which there’s no longer mutual respect.
That’s so easy to say and can be so difficult to do. There are so many reasons why we shy away form making difficult choices in our lives. But a core principle of Spiritualism is that Spirit offers a wider, a more dispassionate perspective. So don’t be surprised if sometimes, advice leaves you feeling challenged. Sometimes, the advice will be “yes, but what do you want to do about it”?
The real challenge that Spirit sets us, time and again, is to ask ourselves, “Are we prepared to let go of the past in order to make space for a future?”.
Alexander Dalgleish-Weaver
